#12 Random Musings

Life seems to be wrapped in timelessness
As one day flows into another day
Besides the changing shadows the sun casts
Everything else is just draped in greys.
I go through the motions
Like a well oiled robot
Moving skilfully across the patterns
the light beams cast across the floor.
And though outwardly it all seems fine,
unlike a robot,
there is this beating heart of mine
That's slowly but surely sinking into despair,
Desperately searching for adventure in the shadows.
Yes, I know I have responsibilities
They are programmed in my DNA. 
How can I ever forget!
So, it’s not an epic hero's journey I seek
Just little nibbles to cope with the tedium that's set
A bit of Adventure not more than
the specs of mozzarella tossed on pizza on that cheat day.
Or like thin anklets hugging feet that have forgotten to dance.  
Or for as much of time that the air is filled with the burst of the cuckoo's notes
before it is silenced by the cacophony of the crows.
Or just as much as the tiny sliver of the moon in the summer skies
before it is swallowed by yet another amaavas night. 
Surely an adventure that little will not disrupt 
this tedious, unending routine to which I must conform
But who's say how little little really is
For after all, a butterfly fluttering its wings somewhere, 
Is known to cause a storm. 

Amazonian Woman

Amazonian woman you call me
as you see me walk across the room
a tall towering body
holding itself magnificently!
Would you then laugh at my face
if i were to reveal to you
just how small i feel inside?
How i feel ashamed even today
When i look at this same magnificent body
naked in the bathroom mirror – all steamed up
yet clear enough to throw back the reflection i cant bear to look at?
And would you believe me
if i said that those rare times when I share my dreams
with friends, with strangers
that even as the words haltingly pass my lips
my ears catch the unsaid mocking voices saying – oh really?


You probably would dismiss me with a wave of your hand
Roll your eyes and say “enough of this self-doubt”.
But will you ever understand how much
just how much i yearn
to see, to feel, to embrace this Amazonian woman that you see me as?


You probably would classify this as PMS.
But as you label it to fit into your understanding,
Will you understand that each morning i do wake up
Filled with a hope of making things different
for me,
even as i feel my life energy slowly bleed away.

You’d probably say I am being melodramatic

But do you also see
how i struggle –
to hold my head high, though the neck is all twisted with knots of tiredness,
to keep the shoulders straight though the back seems bent with all the trying
to extend my arms in greeting though the feet seem to sink in quicksand
Ah – after all an Amazonian woman I am!


(one of my really early pieces - written sometime in 2013.)