In the Shadows of Silence

On a quiet afternoon, in an even quieter room,

I sat by myself in anger and despair

Triggered by feeling isolated in a strange land

Craving for some conversation but no one to share.

It was then that my eye caught this Waterbird –

Alone in the paddy field, motionless it stood

And as I marvelled its stillness, its focus,

it seemed to telling me that I too should

Stay still a while and go past the tears

To truly hear the crying of the soul

To confront what lies in the shadows within me

And listen to my silenced truths now waiting to be told.

It was then that I met this little child in me

Scared, feeling unloved and even blamed

For the conflicts at home that she felt had to be sorted

And feeling confused why among adults no words were exchanged.

The silence seemed so threatening to her back then

Eroding the sense of security that family brings

She dared not confront the grownups as to why they weren't talking ,

Yet she desperately searched for words for her to cling.

Clear loud words that would tell her she's not to be blamed

And that the love and security she needn't ever doubt

Or even whispered words behind closed doors

That would give clues of conversations, of fights sorted out.

Of course those words never came - loud nor soft

The wounds of that time partly healed, partly festering

It was then that I began to fully grasp for the first time

Why with loved ones, I find silence so unsettling.

So I sat besides this child who still feels abandoned and lost

Breaking the silence to tell her that her grief I shared

And held her with my strength, my love, my wisdom

And talked to her so she knows that i cared.

I spoke of how conversations needn't be only outside

Of how within me there was this rich inner world

That held words of love, support and safety

Both for me the grown woman, and for the little girl.

Slowly the child within me felt understood,

And on the outside - me the woman - hopeful and light

Knowing that there would be many more such conversations

And for now the silence, the aloneness seemed alright.

Wrote this in Bangladesh - one of the times I experienced what it meant to write poetry to just sort out the mess in my head and feel clearer and sorted.