#17: Random Musings 2

From a blissful smile to an ecstatic laugh –
There are fifteen different emojis on my phone for feeling good
And then there are three times that number
When I check emojis for junk food

The disproportion make complete sense to me

For I've done the math

It's 15 raised to 45 times

that I have given into my urge for comfort eating.

The heart feeling satiated

while the rest of me takes a beating.

I don't know any other way to fill  

This bottomless pit I feel inside

That's been carved out by the disappointment

Of each failed attempt I have made

to change my relationship with my body

Only to drown in disgust that drenches my very soul. 

With violations from random strangers I meet.

I guess it's not just on Halloween

that monsters walk these streets.

But for now the nightmares seem abated

As I triumphantly sit

With sticky fingers, tongue slick with oil

in this self-built shrine decorated with empty food wrappers

Knowing fully well that by the end of the day

This body will feel like that

Enthusiastically carved pumpkin

left to rot at the doorstep.

(prompt words - pumpkin, nightmare, emoji)